Family Portrait

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Family Portrait

I thought it turned out well
I was told, we were told, to put our arms around
her
our great grandmother

I am dark with emerald eyes
my younger blue-eyed sister
blond, her hair enchanting strands of honey and gold
she giggled, snaggle toothed
she had bangs
I had waves

Granny was iconic
ancient
sat on the front porch of the old, old house
her porch another room
three of its walls the centrifugal view of her garden
farm
mountains
sloping roof helped protect homemade popsickle stick frames
of children’s, grand children’s, great grand children’s drawings

two parakeets, now one.  Green and yellow headed Polly.
I loved the soft soft soft green grasses in the front yard to the stone wall
smelled so sweet, soft on feet, warmed by a sun
that only came into the yard a few hours each day

heavy red water pump on one side under the enormous homestead oak
follow around the house down its hill to the back cellar
bunny rabbits lived there once
another family photo with Dad and me and the rabbit on his knee

the cellar of canned food—magical and mesmerizing
Dad would tell stories of his Grandfather’s store
at the end of the lane to the road
how he’d be closed on Sunday but
if a neighbor needed medicine
he would give it to him—no charge

follow on around the house and laundry hung lines that
paralleled the vines
of mountain grapes
Uncle Lawrence’s goat would escape
his pen and come
eat laundry and nibble at the vines

I was tasked to drag it back (I was 6 and 7 and 8...)
Across the yard
over a little creek (run-off ditch)
down the path between two fields of crops
over another run-off creek
through the yard
knock on the door and tell Uncle Lawrence
the size of Paul Bunyan
Granny had it with his goat

but by the time I found my way back to the house
more often than not
the goat had somehow gotten there first
again

on around the house back to the porch
there we were some spring morning
probably Easter
the mountains springy in their bright green hues
homestead oak so huge and gnarly
dark and strong trunk and branches
gently steadfast as fragile tender bright green leaves unrolled
slight chill wafting on the morning breeze

I did what I was told with great joy to have the chance
to stretch my arms around my great grandmother
head upon her shoulder
my sister leaned in from the other side
happy happy girl smiling and laughing
her arm folded up along Granny's arm,
her hand timid on the nearest shoulder

a favorite photo
rich memories flow through that image
and I can almost be there again

the words said stinging
ringing in my head
came much later
when I was told
it looks like you are claiming her all to yourself
pulling her away from your sister
poor thing can’t even put her arms around her
yours are in the way

silent
for a long time
even as the words ring now
I gazed and gaze at that photo
I did what I was told
put your arms around your Granny
and I did
I loved her
but hugging or touching was so rare
I embraced her with all the years before
and after
I take responsibility for all of that
my sister did what she was told
in her way, more reserved
she could have reached across as I did
Granny had room to spare from my
skinny little arms
she could have reached across and over my arm
reaching toward me
as I had reached toward her