Almost exactly a year ago the HOA (homeowners’ association) sent me one of those letters that lines out all the ways you’re embarrassing the neighborhood. Only this time it was a polite letter requesting me to give them permission to take out the acacia palms in the front courtyard of my house. They’re too tall so don’t meet the regulation of 15' max height. But since it was the previous owner who planted them, they said, they would take them out at no cost to me, would I please call to verify my permission. I called. I permitted.
Three months later I received a threatening letter about how I had 60 days to remove those acacia palms or be fined some gawdawful amount of money. I nearly swallowed my tongue, teeth, lips and chin! I was livid. I called. I asked.
“We changed our minds.” Yeah, that was all he said.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Because I have a letter, which you signed, which says you will pull them out with no charge to me and they haven’t been pulled out and I’m not paying a fine for anything.”
“I understand. We changed our mind. So you need to have those pulled up. I’m sure you understand that we can’t afford to bail out every homeowner who has a preexisting violation to the standards.”
“Then I have no choice but to repeat myself. I have a letter, a signed document, stating that they will in fact be pulled out at no charge to me.”
“I understand. Perhaps there is a concession.”
See, the other thing going on at the time was that 180 miles away, my father was very ill and had just been diagnosed with all sorts of horrific sounding cancer so I wasn’t really in the mood to negotiate what had already been clearly stated in a signed document.
“What kind of concession?”
“What if we have the landscapers cut it way back?”
“Well of course that works for me. Isn’t that what they do anyway? You can cut them down to the nubs, for all I care. I’m just saying I’m not paying a fine over it. I don’t care what you do to those palms.”
“All right then, I’ll pass along that information.”
Somewhere in between time I told my neighbor about this fiasco and turns out he’s on the board!!! Isn’t that peachy! I explained to him about Dad and he said he would back the HOA off a little—there were several items on their to do list, some of which I had done before getting the letter the FIRST time so to see it on the list of threats wasn’t helping me much on any level.
The first time the landscapers came through they did cut them back and trim them beautifully so I figured they changed their minds again and just decided to make them pretty. Didn’t give it another thought.
I was away nearly every weekend and then Dad died and I don’t much remember the last two and a half months of school. The minute I left campus for the last time I drove to Mama’s for our road trip to visit relatives and attend my niece’s wedding. Then upon return I spent the summer at Mama’s cleaning out the house as she was moving to a smaller, more economical apartment and I had to bring two full car loads home, mostly of Dad’s things.
Nobody had touched the acacia trees in those three to four months. No one. The landscapers had done NOTHING since that first time after the phone call. So they were way overgrown and I have a bush in the back that’s way overgrown. As Mama moved the first in between weekend of school, I was with her the following two weekends but this past weekend I had to proctor national testing so stayed home. Plus next week I am taking a couple of days to go over for four days with friends and cousins who are all picking up the last of the things Mama can’t keep.
Next month is when people walk the property and generate the list of threats and I’m royally ticked off about the acacia and now I want them DOWN. Just out of here. Gone. Tired of them.
A few weeks ago I wrote a couple of friends in the area to see if I could borrow a chainsaw. One flat out said no because she would not let me put myself in danger and her husband’s back was out so, no. The other one has been separated from her husband so she said she’d check. But then life happens. So yesterday, Sunday, was a pretty nice day. I texted my friend to ask again about the chainsaw, and then took the limb cutters out there to at least cut what young trunks I could. Made some headway. Got the ladder. Managed to also cut down some of the fronds that were bending back onto the roof tiles. But those damn trees had gotten so thick in the trunk!
Of course I’m muttering under my breath about the landscapers and whether I should go next door and mention it again to my neighbor friend—but then I remembered even HE forgot the agreement and somewhere in passing on my way out of town he asked from his driveway through my open car window if I was going to have those things removed or what? “DUDE!” I said, but I didn’t say dude, I said his name. “Remember? I talked to XYZ who said the LANDSCAPERS were gonna cut it way back. So I expect they’ll do that at some point along here soon?” And the sweet old guy nodded his head and waved me off with his lumbering arm and I thought we’d communicated. I was wrong.
Then I remembered! My dad had a collection of ornate knives from all over the world—big ones as well as a tiny hara kiri knife. I remembered one particular gorgeous machete in a beautiful leather scabbard from, I think, somewhere in South America. Could at least try it, right? I had nothing to lose? I unsheathed it inside the house, not wanting to attract any more attention than necessary outside. Wow did it feel good! The handle seemed made for exactly my hand! And it wasn’t heavy at all and the edge was shiny sharp. I started on the most hidden of the clump of trees and with two hands whacked down at one growing out of the side of a bigger one—the motion was straight down so would be the most successful to begin with, I thought. O my goodness, it was so nice. The blade was old and black with use but not really rusty per se. But the edge was sharper than anything I’ve ever used. I was hooked! It was a fabulous experience cutting down that tree. I cut down five in all. The ones growing straight I of course had to angle, but I maintained a somewhat straight down chop, angled slightly to the left and just went to town. Chips flew. It was so satisfying.
Thanks, Dad! Cool tools! Oh, there are still four trees left...but it will be a week or so before I could do that again!
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