Being at school yesterday was so seductive. I love my classroom...with the chalk board and white boards still written up like a time capsule of where we were in the semester just before Spring break. Fielding emails from students--"hearing" their voices, missing them. Couple of friends and colleagues stopping by to "check in..." Taking care of paper work and all the normal stuff of school with the unusual "pick up a web cam," and 20 desks two feet apart and it's eerie on the one hand and clearly inadequate on the other....
The seduction was in how good it was to be in the presence of people I care so much about. Getting used to talking with a mask on all day, and standing 6 feet away at least, was the reason I went in. Chip away at the anxiety. Start practicing vigilance as routine.
The seduction is coming home and still feeling healthy and well. Wanting so much for school to be normal. BUT IT'S NOT. It's volatile. Vigilance with an invisible threat is unsustainable.
You know that moment when you realize there's a streak of pain across your throat and you can't swallow and there's the panic of knowing you now have strep throat? Race your mind back to which friend or student who is out sick today that you got it from? Ten days ago? By the time you know you've got it, it's too late. How many other people are going to get it from you now? (and it doesn't matter who it was, it only matters that you know it's got you.) Even that is familiar and you know exactly what it is and exactly what to do and you attack it with gargling and antibiotics, etc.
There will be those students and teachers who will come to school even if they don't feel well...it's what we do (big change not to for we who have a life-long practice of stiff upper lip). But there will be students and teachers and staff who will come to school with the virus and not even know it...or infect others days and days before knowing they themselves are infected.
Any idea how many symptoms are related to COVID-19 infection?
Excuse me, now that it's getting light, I need to bring in backyard potted plants and chairs and frontyard plants into the garage.
The stress. The prep. The vigilance. The distraction. Unsustainable. And in themselves damaging.
(I know---I am reading...writing...walking...meditating, yogaing, taking care of myself...but expressing this is part of how i do that.)
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