Eternity at 4 in the morning

 My absolute favorite time of day is 4 in the morning. When I'm in a good place there is no place better. When I'm not, it's the best place to be. Today is the fourth day of a four day weekend and here I am fully alive with every sensory gift of this hour. Peace fills each gift. Silence, Light from my Dad's lamp. Soft and distant turnpike traffic. Tiny clicks and clunks of the ceiling fan. Ancient invisible crickets but only one or two so far away they almost sound like the tinnitus. Soft clicking of my laptop keyboard. Faded reflection on the screen of my fingers clicking my thoughts. Expensive well-running air conditioners from the neighborhood a couple blocks away. Peace.

Deeper, however, is a war of depression and anxiety fueled by conditions at work and all that is sucking the heart and soul out of teachers and students. Honestly I don't know cart or horse but I am not writing. I'm writing but I'm writing like one trapped in a locked tank in the bowels of the Titanic while water rises, head back gulping for air in the two inches left above water. It's not the same as breathing. Not writing story. Not writing freely or with inspiration.

So I decided to start writing dreams again as a way to just try to stay limber. Descriptive. Connective. For 40 minutes I basked in the beauty of my favorite time and space. Wrote the bits leftover from the night delayed by life functions.

Now what?

Looked for ideas about jobs that were creative, warranting organizational skills, etc.... Most of these were in television, film, and the advertising industry. Made me smile to think how my life could possibly come full circle. Dad would love that. It's just an exercise to ward off the beasts threatening to devour me with impending futility and obsolescence.

Here I am, though. Quiet. Calm. Such peace in this moment and at this time. Maybe just sit here and breathe and listen and feel the delicious space and light and darkness and calm.

Or maybe an inspirational TED talk or some kind of video that could take me to that next level of feeling good about my life beyond 4 am. Beyond home alone. Beyond walking along the edge of waters and greeting strangers as my preferred social life at the moment.

So I google searched inspiring videos. I started with the first one and it was a hug and a laugh from God Herself/Himself. Filtered through a website called "muse" that had gathered 10 inspirational films to watch on a bad day, I simply started with the first video. It's a celebration of many things but the force pulling it all together is an ode to 4 in the morning. Simply delightful. It's really a celebration of the connectedness of all things and the reconnection with lost "thing" and times and people. It's great. So I'm posting it. But I'm posting it from the original TED talk.